I thought I would be able to keep my life under control. I do too much during the day and everything somehow manages to go the way I want it to go.

However, he is not. He has fallen off all the tracks, rules of life and imaginary directions. Even my world has turned out of one boring, tired woman, made one who is happy, really happy. And imagine, it only took him a moment to do that.

Again, Merlin’s verses reach me from a distance: “When people get tired of running away …”

I think – THE WIZARD. It intoxicates me again with it´s songs and makes me turn off completely as I lie pensive, so that I hear neither the chirping of birds not the sound of cars, nor do I feel the refraction of sunlight over my pupils, nor the play of wind on my lips.

It seems like I just remember last night. I feel touches on my body, the smell on the pillow and it´s absence. Where do I miss that? I never once admitted to myself that I was wrong nor did I let myself believe that everything was right. I didn’t even decide to relax. I never choose any option because I always want something else. This time the latter is a mix of all of the above. Guilt because it’s all of a sudden, security because it’s right, relaxation because it lasts a long time ago. What do I know, I’ve never played with destiny before this. This is my first time and I have to admit that I was defeated. Congratulations to her.

Merlin continues: “But let the door open too hard, some words are even harder to say …” When he says “door”, I think of the door of life. To some stuck abyss and a shattered picture of reality. Who would have thought that I would laugh too? I have a feeling my face was the glass it was onsomeone suddenly threw a bottle. The bottle broke and there were scars on it. But they healed. And nothing has ever been the same again.

Just because it’s not the same, I’m laughing again now. I have a right to that, don’t I?